It is amazing how the “little” day-to-day choices we make can eventually influence our “big” life choices. Remember how I have been agonizing about making a decision regarding my future? Well, a decision has been made.
Come this June, I will be returning to the United States of America and I will remain there for the foreseeable future. While I will initially return to Ohio, I do not plan on staying there long (ex. Snow and my hatred of it). Where in America will I end up? Who knows? It all depends on what makes the most sense for my living and career needs.
As much as I love Italy, where I’m at right now just doesn’t feel like “home” to me. I’m the type of person who needs to have a feeling of “home” somewhere to be truly comfortable. This was not an easy decision for me, in fact, it was agonizing. I didn’t even realize what I wanted until a subconscious statement I made to myself took me by surprise. I honestly couldn’t believe it at first, probably because I’ve been fighting against the idea of moving back because I love Italy so much. Would I like to continue living in Italy if the conditions were different? Absolutely. Are they what I need right now? No. Would I ever move back to Italy if the opportunity presented itself? Without a doubt. My choice to move back does not lessen my love for Italy in any way, shape, or form. I will always be an Italo-phile. So far this experience has given me some great moments and I have learned a lot about myself along the way. I’m sure there is still plenty more in store for me in these next couple of months!
I must say, now that I have FINALLY made a choice, I am kind of impatient for it to take effect. Not because I want to leave Italy, because I don’t, but that’s just the person I am. Making decisions is what is excruciating for me, but once I make them, the follow-through is usually a cakewalk (a bit strange as I am also the kind of person who needs options). Please, no one feel sorry for me, I am doing this because I WANT to move back. I realize now that I am not ready to live abroad for an extended period of time, despite now being the most convenient time for me to do so. Plus, I can finally say that I have completed the number one item on my Life List. How many people can say that about themselves before they’re 22? I consider myself as one of the lucky ones.
This is not me “giving up”; this is me realizing what I NEED as opposed to what I WANT. I guess you could say I’m finally growing up now. Peter Pan would be ashamed. Although, I would be lying if I said Italy’s lack of Dr. Pepper and Doritos had nothing to do with my decision.