I read an article that said dating is all about getting to know someone: their likes, dislikes, and discovering their personality. I realized that for most of the past two years I have essentially been dating myself. I’m not getting over a break-up or anything, but when a lot of life changes happen or are thrown at you, it can be easy to retreat and forget yourself.
Instead, I have learned how to be alone. Sure it gets boring at times, but at least I don’t use being alone as a security blanket anymore. It used to be that I was alone because I was afraid to “put myself out there” (still working on that). I have made some improvements on this front, and now I don’t purposefully isolate myself from people, unless I need to recharge. I am still an introvert after all. I now take advantage of opportunities to not be alone, which makes me appreciate the time I do have to myself.
I am much more self-aware, especially of my good and bad habits. Thanks to this, I have been taking small steps to gain good habits and to lose the bad ones. That’s not to say that I don’t slip up and give in to old habits, but I don’t beat myself up for it anymore. Now I can accept that it happened and just keep working toward my goals.
When I think about my life two years ago, it seems much farther away. This time two years ago, I was probably just hanging out at my residence hall, excited to be done with my second year of college. A lot of people that I would see on the regular I don’t see any more (not just because I moved to Italy or because I don’t consider them my friends, which I do). Things change, people move/graduate; the small things you thought would ruin your life – now you can’t even remember. People aren’t lying when they say “don’t sweat the small stuff”. Yes, some embarrassing moments can haunt you in those moments right before you fall asleep at night, but chances are, you’re the only one who remembers. I have a hard enough time remembering things about myown life, let alone the embarrassing moments of others.
Okay, well this blog post took a turn, but anyway… I have changed and grown in the past two years, probably even more than I realize right now. And I will continue to change – it’s kind of exciting.